


do not go gently into that night.

by rmartin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 10:43:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17827094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmartin/pseuds/rmartin
Summary: He is standing in the shower and the water is cold. Hux doesn't mind it for once and closes his eyes, fully aware of how violently is his body trembling. He moves his hand, his fingers travel from the center of his chest and down his belly. He wraps them around his cock, willing it into hardness but is not disappointed when it doesn't happen. He lets go of the organ and his fingers move behind him, knead his cheeks and then finally, tap against his rim. He flinches again and his movements stop but he doesn't push his hand away. Just last night he wondered how it will feel, to have someone inside of you – he imagined picture he's seen before. Two moaning men, a mess of tangled hands and legs and rhythmic snapping of hips. For some reason, he feels betrayed because he believed a complete lie.





	do not go gently into that night.

He is standing in the shower and the water is cold. Hux doesn't mind it for once and closes his eyes, fully aware of how violently is his body trembling. He moves his hand, his fingers travel from the center of his chest and down his belly. He wraps them around his cock, willing it into hardness but is not disappointed when it doesn't happen. He lets go of the organ and his fingers move behind him, knead his cheeks and then finally, tap against his rim. He flinches again and his movements stop but he doesn't push his hand away. Just last night he wondered how it will feel, to have someone inside of you – he imagined picture he's seen before. Two moaning men, a mess of tangled hands and legs and rhythmic snapping of hips. For some reason, he feels betrayed because he believed a complete lie. Finally, his hands move and he splashes more of the cold water on himself, washing his already clean skin. That feeling lingers even after he steps out of the shower and his knees buckle underneath him. He grabs the sink for support and lowers his head.

The man in the mirror is crying. Hux checks and finds out that he's crying too. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and his skin is flushed red even though he's just showered himself in the freezing water. There are a few bruises on his abdomen, one directly underneath his collar bones. His uniform will easily hide the proofs of what has happened. In a few weeks, it will be nothing but a bitter memory. And yet it seems impossible to Hux – how can memory be this vivid? How can he ever forget? He presses his fingers against the bruise and pushes harshly against it until his skin breaks and blood dribbles out. The pattern follows until he's bleeding all over his abdomen. Only after that, he feels like he's done here and walks out of the fresher into his bedroom.

He reaches for his DataPad and his trembling fingers find Ren's contact. He is still naked and while thinking about what he shall write to Ren, he puts on his shirt and trousers but doesn't feel any better. His hair is wet and is glued to his forehead. The water is dripping down his neck and fresh blood is soaking through the black shirt but it's hardly visible on that color.

**_General Armitage Hux_ **

_I need to speak to you. In private._

**_Lord Kylo Ren_ **

_I was planning to come to you anyway. Is your shift over? You usually stay a bit longer in your office._

**_General Armitage Hux_ **

_I am in my quarters._

**_Lord Kylo Ren_ **

_I'll be there shortly._

Hux closes his eyes, suddenly unable to breathe. So it is done – he knows he fucked up and he knows that Ren needs to know. His heart skips a beat and the pain spreads across his chest. Perhaps this is it, the breaking heart about which people constantly talk. It hurts like hell and Hux is somehow aware that it will hurt only more once he'll end the relationship with Ren. He is not sure if he can call it a relationship – he is aware that he and Ren are exclusive but no one ever mentioned what they are. He thinks it is a relationship – they are practically living together. Every morning, Ren comes and kisses him before Hux leaves for the Bridge and every evening they eat dinner together and talk about their day. Hux finds himself enjoying this level of intimacy. Only a few weeks back Ren asked him if he wanted to take things one step higher – into the next level and though Hux felt unsure, he agreed. Ren was generous enough that he promised that he will stop immediately if Hux wasn't comfortable which only made him more attractive in Hux's eyes. He cannot remember the last time someone cared about what he wanted – and Ren proved himself to be both attentive and caring when it came to Hux.

Maybe that's just the reason why Hux feels so angry, so desperate. He wanted his first time with Ren to be special – he wanted to ask Ren what they were and now it's all over. Hux brushes away tears that threaten to spill down his cheeks again. He is aware of his mistake – and though he wants to do everything what he possibly can to make this right, he knows that cheaters hardly ever deserve a second chance. He betrayed Ren's trust and in his eyes, Ren can find someone better than he is. He nods to himself when he hears knocking on the door followed by a silent click. He will do what needs to be done.

He turns around to face Ren just as the Knight enters. Ren is not wearing his mask for once and his eyes are glittering like they usually do when he sees Hux. It makes Hux feel only guiltier and all he wants to do now is to curl under the sheets and cry as long as he can until it will all go away. Ren moves closer and kisses Hux's cheeks, his forehead and then the side of his neck. He hums under his nose and frowns when Hux gently pushes him away. “I came as quickly as I could,” he says and his voice sounds once gentler than usual. “What did you want to talk about?” he asks and wraps his hands around Hux's middle. “Have you changed your mind?” he wonders. “I told you that we don't have to do anything.”

Hux shakes his head. “It's not that,” he says and his lower lip starts to tremble. “I need to tell you something, Kylo.” He turns his head to the side. “I fucked someone.” He feels as Ren freezes but his hands remain on Hux's hips. Hux risks it and looks at him but he sees just confusion in Ren's face, nothing of real anger he expected. Ren cocks his head to the side and quietly laughs as if he couldn't believe it.

“It won't be your first time then?” Ren chuckles. “I shouldn't have assumed.”

It takes Hux a moment to understand and when he does, he escapes Ren's hands and violently shakes his head. “No,” he murmurs, close to crying. “No. No. No. You don't understand. I fucked someone.”

“Look,” Ren tries to reach him and calm him down. “I fucked someone too before I met you. It doesn't make a difference, okay? I am not angry because you slept with someone, Armitage. Let's go and sit down, let's talk about – “

“I fucked someone an hour ago.”

The stunned silence follows. Ren's hands remain frozen in the air, still reaching for Hux but then he blinks and lowers them down. He stares at Hux with unreadable expression crossing his features. “You fucked someone an hour ago,” he repeats and then says it again and again. Hux finds himself nodding – already prepared for the curses that will follow. _Slut. Whore,_ he berates himself and closes his eyes. Tears start rolling down his cheeks and he gasps for breath. Ren is unmoving – he seems like he has trouble processing Hux's confession. He makes a step forward and his fingers wrap around Hux's wrist. Ren pins him in place and Hux violently flinches. He wishes to disappear completely – turn into nothing. He wishes to remain in his office, panting and crying after the Admiral left. It's not fair towards Ren.

Instead of curses, Ren tries to press inside of Hux's mind. Hux tries to relax but he cannot – not in a situation like that and when he flinches the next time, Ren abruptly stops. “Why?” he asks finally and Hux cannot move – cannot say a word. Why? Why indeed? He didn't want to hurt Ren in any way – he didn't plan this at all. It just happened and he was too weak to say no, he wanted to say no but he couldn't. Suddenly he is back inside of his office and his hands and knees hurt and his mouth is wide opened but no sound comes out. His trousers are pushed down, the hand in his hair is forcing him to stay pressed against the table. It's Ren's touch that brings him back and the look inside of Ren's eyes breaks something inside of Hux. He starts loudly sobbing. “I am sorry,” he says and repeats it all over again but he knows it won't make any difference. “I am so fucking sorry.”

“Who?” Ren wants to know and his eyes darken.

“It was my fault,” Hux continues his rambling. “I swear – hurt me and punish me. It was my fault.”

Ren shakes with him. “Who?” he wants to know, demands it. Hux can feel his rage, his anger. The Force sparks between Ren's fingers and Hux expects it to hurt – he expects the pain which never comes. Ren lets go of him and runs his fingers through his hair, making them messier than usual. Hux falls on the ground and wraps his hands around his knees and brings them towards his chest. He feels weak and pathetic. He tries to hide away from Ren but there is no use in that. Soon Ren returns to him and kneels down. He takes Hux's shaking form into his arms and Hux finds himself thinking that this is more than he deserves. Ren should yell at him – he should hurt Hux and then leave and yet he does neither of those things.

“Just let me in,” Ren whispers. “Let me understand, love.” He presses a kiss against Hux's damp cheek. “I am furious, furious but I am not going to hurt you. I just need to know.”

Hux's body goes limp in Ren's arms. He is suddenly too exhausted to care about anything in this world. He closes his eyes when Ren dives in. He is familiar with the feeling of having Ren inside of his mind and he finds it oddly comforting. He can still feel Ren holding him but at the same time, he is in a different place. He recognizes the face of Admiral Martin. He is a tall man, alluring but in the way Ren is. He dislikes him because Martin is cruel and reckless and he hardly ever thinks, he just acts. He remembers panic, it fills him from inside again. Martin is towering above him. His hands are holding Hux down. It feels like when he was twelve years old and his father pushed him to his knees. He feels like a child once again, forced to do something he doesn't want to. He feels like he's owned by those men – he feels like they have no right to touch him and yet they do. It hurts, both those memories hurt. He remembers having something inside of him, filling his ass or his throat and at both times he wants to throw up but he cannot. It's not like in those videos. He doesn't enjoy the intrusion. “Let me go,” he whispers and he thinks that maybe Ren hears him. He opens his eyes – frightened that he will not be in his quarters but he is.

Ren brings him closer and Hux buries his head in the crook of Ren's neck. “I am sorry,” he whispers again and tears roll down his cheeks. Ren tries to shush him. His fingers brush Hux's red hair to the side.

“I WILL KILL HIM,” Ren promises him darkly and starts rocking them back and forth until Hux fully relaxes. “Have you showered?” Ren asks despite knowing the answer and Hux finds himself nodding. His hair is still damp and his shirt clings to his body like a blanket. It feels uncomfortable but he doesn't want to move. It's Ren who picks him up and Hux wraps his arms around Ren's neck. Ren moves them into the bed and then leaves to bring Hux something clean to wear. He takes off his outer robes and his boots and helps Hux to shrug off his shirt. He stares at the bruises and growls. His fingers gently brush them and Hux wants to tell him that he can hurt him too if he wants to. “It was not your fault,” Ren whispers into his ear. “Those men were monsters, Armitage.” Hux finds himself nodding. “No one else will ever touch you like that – I promise you that. I will not allow anyone to force themselves on you.” He smiles at Hux with that crimson smile that promises only trouble and death. “I will kill them all for you. And I will start with Martin. What do you want me to do to him? You can ask for anything.”

“Make him disappear,” Hux mumbles. “And don't leave me.” Ren smiles and wraps Hux into the sheets. He wraps his hands around his waist and presses a kiss against Hux's lips. They lie in the silence until Hux's breathing deepens and he falls asleep. When he finally does, Ren brushes his hair and strokes his cheeks. He extends his hand in the air and Hux's blaster flights to him across the room. He stares at the weapon for a while, holding it closely and then his finger brushes the trigger. Hux unknowingly shifts in his sleep and murmurs Ren's name.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so angry at myself because I keep destroying amazing characters... but I wrote what I was asked to... I hope you'll enjoy it even though the story itself is terrible...


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